


Sex, Lies and Sticky Tape

by Willa Shakespeare (AnonEhouse)



Category: Blake's 7
Genre: Birthday Sex, Crack, F/M, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-11
Updated: 2013-05-11
Packaged: 2017-12-11 12:11:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,901
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/798627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AnonEhouse/pseuds/Willa%20Shakespeare
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jenna just wants Blake to have a happy birthday. Zen helps her.</p><p>(Cally and Gan, Vila and Jenna are pretty much off-stage. I wasn't sure whether to count as pairings or not. And Cally and Avon have... untraditional sex...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sex, Lies and Sticky Tape

(If you are reading this on any PAY site this is a STOLEN WORK, the author has NOT Given Permission for it to be here. If you're paying to read it, you're being cheated too because you can read it on Archiveofourown for FREE.)

"Oh, come on Vila, it's his birthday," Jenna said, cajoling, one hand caressing Vila's shoulder.

"You never cared when it was _my_ birthday," Vila grumped, but he managed to do it while leaning into her massage.

"Well, I'll throw you a party for the next one."

"If Blake doesn't get us all killed first," Avon said from the next lounger over. He was bored, listening to the inane prattle. "It would be almost worthwhile, simply to avoid a Delta debauch."

Vila sat up to give Avon a dirty look. "Just because you were born in a lab..."

Avon got up, gave Vila an even dirtier look, and strode out of the room. 

"Now that's done it," Gan commented, big hands splayed behind his head as he stared up at the ceiling, trying to 'connect the dots' into naked ladies. "He'll sulk for a week."

Cally asked, "What do you mean, Vila?" ignoring Gan, who was used to being ignored, and didn't much mind, so long as there were plenty of dots on the ceiling panels.

Vila shrugged. "Shouldn't have said it, but it's true enough. In a way. I guess. Sorry, Jenna, now I've got his royal highness mad, he'll never go along with it."

"Well, then you and Gan and Cally and I will have to handle it on our own. Cally?" But Jenna spoke in vain, as Cally had slipped from the room. Jenna looked annoyed. "Well, you and Gan and I, then." Her hand clamped onto Vila's shoulder as he attempted to retreat. "NOW!"

"Oh, all right, you big bully, you," Vila said, following her out of the restroom.

Gan completed a particularly buxom beauty, gave her a wink, and then followed Jenna and Vila. They'd need his strength. It was nice to be useful for something, and it made a change from refilling the bog rolls.

***

"Avon?" Cally's voice was soft and gentle followed by a soft and gentle voice in his mind. _Avon? Please, may I talk with you?_

Avon sighed and released his door lock. He tossed his laser probe down on his desk and stood to face her, hands behind his back. "If you must. I would prefer that you speak out loud."

"As you wish." Cally came in, glancing around the room. "I have never been in here before, Avon," she commented, but the unspoken meaning was 'I've never been invited'.

"All the quarters are much alike," Avon replied. "If you've been in Blake's room..."

Cally lowered her eyes. "No. I have not. Nor Vila's. Or Gan's"

"Ah. Well, to what do I owe this signal honor, then?"

"What did Vila mean?" As Avon turned his back on her, Cally said, "I am not prying, Avon, but the answer might be important to me. Was it simply one of Vila's....jokes?"

Avon looked over his shoulder at Cally. She was serious. He shrugged. "Not entirely." He paused, searching her face, as he decided how much to tell her. "My gestation was,in fact,in an incubation unit, as was that of my older brother. Our mother did not wish to spoil her figure or waste profitable social years on child-bearing, yet we were necessary to the continuance of the family line. Does that satisfy your curiosity?"

Cally shook her head. "No. I am a clone, Avon."

Avon lifted his head. "I knew you were alien, but..."

"It is a relatively recent development. There are very few of us 'laboratory grown people' in the universe."

Avon tilted his head in acknowledgment. "True. And, you feel a certain... closeness to me because of that? I doubt we have anything else in common." But he was getting interested. 

Cally began pulling up her tunic. "I will show you mine, if you will show me yours."

Avon couldn't prevent himself from staring avidly as the tunic pulled up over a lean, smooth, unmarked belly, all the way up to the indented pucker of her neo-natal nutrition 'button' set between her small, firm breasts.

"Ahhh. An 'innie'," he breathed. He dropped his own jacket and peeled off the black turtleneck beneath, revealing his own 'third nipple'.

"Oh," Cally cried, delighted, "An 'outie', and just the right size!" She leaped upon Avon, forcing him to catch her as she melded their chests together.

"MMMmmpph!" Avon exclaimed as she kissed him furiously and wriggled against him until the two were 'buttoned' together, Cally's breasts firmly pressed against Avon's chest, her legs wrapped around his waist. He pulled his head back for a moment to gasp, "Cally!" before an electric thrill coursed through the connection and stiffened his backbone. "Ah, Cally!" He moaned, and began trying to work her panties down, or at least off to one side.

"Avon!" she said, shocked, and pulled back from him. "That was lovely. Don't spoil it."

"Cally!" Avon cried out as she shook her head, picked up her clothes and walked out of his room.

"We will have to do that again some time," she said brightly as she left.

Avon groaned and thought of various dirty names he might call her, but settled for unzipping and thinking lewd thoughts about _Liberator's_ other crew members, while he pumped himself hard. After he came, he fell back across his bed, muttering, "Aliens."

***

"That's the last of it," Vila panted, half buried under a pile of small, expensive-looking objects. "But it still seems ridiculous to me. I mean, any time Blake wants anything from the treasure room, all he's got to do is go down and get it!"

"But that wouldn't be a gift. He's always felt guilty about the treasure room."

"I'd take it off his hands," Vila said, honestly (for once).

Jenna frowned at him. "This way, he'll feel free to use it for his Cause, without thinking he's cheating the rest of us."

Vila shook his head. "He'd have been just as happy with a box of chocolates. Or membership in a nice book club."

"Put the gems down there, Vila," Jenna said sternly, pointing to the large crate of gold bars that Gan had hauled in before doing himself a mischief and retiring to the medical unit. Jenna had told him to wear a brace, but men- they're too proud to be sensible. He had looked a bit intimidated when Cally came at him with the tissue regenerator probe and a wide grin, but Jenna was sure he would recover in time for the party.

Vila deposited the gems, only managing to pocket an emerald necklace and two nice ruby and gold rings. "Doesn't look like Blake to me," he muttered, straightening to rub his aching back.

Jenna looked at the crate and the gems, and nodded. "It is rather tacky, like that. I'll go get some paper to wrap it. That and a nice bow."

"I'll just stay here and guard it, shall I?" Vila offered.

"Not on your life, lightfingers," Jenna replied, snagging him by the collar.

***

Avon looked in the moment they were gone. What a waste. Blake wouldn't ever spend it on anything worthwhile. The crate was secured, but the loose gems on top weren't.

***

"No wrapping paper? Zen!" Jenna called in frustration. 

"Bonk," the computer replied. "State speed and destination".

"She wants Blake at Standard by Ten," Vila said, ducking Jenna's not-quite-friendly swing at his head.

"I want to wrap a surprise present for Blake. It's in hold 10."

"Confirmed. Auto-wrapping mechanisms have been activated. The gift will be delivered to Blake's quarters when he is next on the flight deck."

"Oh, Zen, thanks! You're the only one who really understands me." Jenna began caressing the control panel in front of her while Zen's lights flickered in an increasingly rapid pattern. Jenna's eyes got a faraway look.

"Er. Um, I'll just leave you two to your 'bonking', shall I?" Vila said, and he sneaked off the flight deck before Jenna could come up with any other chores for him. He stopped off at hold 10, just in case, but the crate had been replaced by a huge box wrapped in glittery holographic foil and festooned with a cascade of curled ribbons. There was no way he could get into that without destroying it. He said,"Never a break for the working man," and left, disconsolately seeking one of the bottles of liquid refreshment Jenna had rounded up for Blake's party.

***

"It's a lovely party," Blake said, smiling gently at Jenna. "The cake was delicious and the punch as well."

Jenna sighed. The whole time they'd been playing party games, Blake had been watching the entrance for the one crew member who wasn't there. "Avon isn't much of a party-animal," she said, trying to be sweet about it, and _not_ say, 'he's a miserable bastard who'd go ten parsecs to avoid seeing you happy'.

Blake agreed,"No, he's not one for crowds." He got up and danced with Jenna to the slow music Zen obligingly provided. The fourth time he peered over her shoulder, Jenna said, "He's not coming, but _I'm_ here!"

Blake looked down at her. "Sorry, Jenna. Bit of a headache, tonight, I'm afraid. Too much punch, perhaps."

Jenna punched Blake in the arm, not at all lightly, and said, "All right. I give up," and went to sulk on the couch next to Vila, who had enough to drink to forget to be wary around Jenna, and dove headfirst into her bosom.

Blake watched for a moment, then decided no one would miss him if he left. Being drunk had put Cally into a meditative trance on Gan's lap which appeared to involve attempts at levitation, and Jenna and Vila were also getting on quite well. He went back to his room, trying very hard not to feel sorry for himself. After all, it was only another birthday. He was only a day older than yesterday. He shouldn't be depressed.

His door slid open, and he was greeted by a huge, gaily wrapped parcel. He grinned. Whatever the contents, someone had a kindly thought for him. He read the label. "From Zen?" Well, that was unusual, but Avon always said the computer had an 'organic' feel to it.

He stripped off his party clothes, and took a shower, and then got into a comfortable robe while he tried to think what the package might contain. It was never as nice as the best thing you could imagine, so he always liked to pretend for a while before opening presents. Finally, he reached for the ribbons and tugged on one end. The bow unknotted, and fell off the package, but the foil remained. He walked around, peeling off the sticky tape carefully because his mum had taught him to save pretty paper. Finally, all that held the foil together was the folds. 

He stood back, closed his eyes and made a wish as he pulled at the foil. There was a loud crinkling rush as the sheet of foil cascaded to the deck. He opened his eyes.

"Thank you, Zen!" he breathed, and his eyes lit up. What he could do with this present!

Avon glared at Blake, but he couldn't do much else, as he was gagged by a string of pearls and tied down by necklaces to a 'throne' made of gold bricks. Jewelry was all he was wearing. Blake admired the ruby ring encircling Avon's 'navel'.

"An 'outie'," he said in wonder, and Avon's glare turned to startlement as Blake dropped his robe.

Avon's eyes grew round. Blake's 'innie' was hidden between oversized flabby pectorals, but what lay far below at groin level... wow. Avon began to drool around the gag and his own 'sceptre' saluted his king.

Blake stepped up to the throne, and kissed Avon, tongue sliding over pearls and pearly teeth, pressing in until Avon's ringed 'outie' popped into Blake's 'innie' and the ruby ring locked them together. Avon moaned, in a garbled fashion, and wriggled frantically, rolling his eyes downward, hoping desperately that Blake wasn't going to pull an Auron disappearing act on him.

Blake moaned and began working his hand between Avon's legs. Zen had done a clever job of packaging, with Avon's thighs spread wide, resting on the edges of bricks surrounding a brickless gap in just the right position for Blake to fit with a bit of squirming. He squirmed for all he was worth, but it still would have been uncomfortable, if Zen hadn't thoughtfully prepared Blake's present with an oiled double-strand of Aristolian gargantua-pearls. Blake pulled the pearls out with a lengthy series of 'pop' 'pop' 'pop's that made Avon's eyes bulge. Blake felt as if he was pulling a Christmas cracker, only this time he expected to get more out of the experience than a paper hat, a silly fortune, and a trinket.

"Damn," Blake said in wonder as he began fitting himself into his tight-assed computer expert.

 _Damn_ Avon thought as the big prick worked his way in. _Rape! Rape!_ He suddenly wondered if Cally could really read minds, despite her claims to the contrary, and he changed it to: _No Rape! No Rape! Go away Cally!_ wiggling his ass as best he could within the confines of the chains as he tried to take all that Blake had to offer. 

Blake stopped kissing him and pulled back, moaning as 'button' orgasm struck both him and Avon. Avon whined high in his nose and felt very much abused when Blake snapped free of Avon's 'outie' but his feelings were soothed when Blake managed to bend down far enough to suck on the little protrusion which continued its after-orgasm tingling as a result. _Anna wouldn't do that_ Avon thought, and decided not to bother seeking revenge for her death. _And she **certainly** couldn't do **THAT**_ he thought as Blake used his powerful legs to drive a cock the size of _Liberator's_ left nacelle in up to the balls.

Avon bit through the pearl necklace, and spat the pearls out in Blake's face. "Kiss me, you bastard!" he demanded and Blake obeyed, tongue thrusting deeply down Avon's mouth, big arms wrapped around Avon, fitting into the gap between his back and the gold. "Warm," Avon muttered when Blake pulled back for a breath and his arms slid up and down Avon's spine.

"Better than cold cash?" Blake said, understanding what Avon meant.

Avon hated that. Blake understood all too well, but on the other hand, Blake was proving to have talents in a field Avon could appreciate. "Screw me, Blake," he pleaded.

"Always wanted to," Blake replied and hung onto Avon's shoulders as he thrust, and thrust, and thrust again, until they were both slick with sweat and gasping for air. Avon's lap was full of pearls from the broken necklace. Blake gathered a handful and wrapped his fist around Avon's cock and began rubbing the pearls up and down in rhythm with his strokes in Avon's ass.

Avon held out for another minute, then flung his head back and screamed his release as he shot a stream of pearly fluid into Blake's hands.

Blake switched his grip to Avon's shoulders again, and pumped hard, finally feeling himself let go, flooding Avon with warmth. He lay panting against Avon, half asleep, until he heard the low chuckle in his ear, soft breath ruffling his hair, and Avon said,"Now, would you mind unwrapping me the rest of the way?"

"Later," Blake mumbled, sucking on Avon's 'outie'.

"Unless you want '14 karat' embossed on my ass for all eternity, NOW."

Blake sighed, and sleepily began fumbling after necklace clasps. "Wouldn't mind, actually," he said as chains began slithering off. "It's always nice to know you have the genuine article."

Avon got up and stretched, gingerly assessing bruises, sore spots that would become lovebites, and a very tender bottom. "Actually, I'm a fraud, Blake. I was trying to steal your present from Jenna." He waved at the treasure.

"Hmmm." Blake gnawed on a fingertip for a moment. "So this was all a mistake?" he said, mildly.

"Exactly. I had no real sexual interest in you," Avon replied, nodding vigorously, and carefully not looking at Blake's face. Of course, that left him looking at...

"Avon. When you are lying to me, I'd appreciate it if you weren't staring at my cock. It's confusing. Now, come to bed."

Avon frowned. "Why?"

"Because it's still officially my birthday for another eight hours, and I haven't finished playing with my present." Blake was at Avon's side before he could look up, and manuevering him toward the bed.

"Oh. Well. I suppose," Avon said as Blake produced a clean damp washcloth and began wiping him down, front and back. Avon spread his legs, and tried not to tremble when Blake meticulously cleaned his backside. "Wouldn't want to spoil the day."

Blake kissed Avon and tucked him in between the covers before giving himself a quick wipe and sliding in next to Avon. He took Avon in his arms, and began sleepily rubbing Avon's back.

Avon sighed, and wrapped his arms around Blake's lovely warm waist, "Happy Birthday Blake. Many Happy Returns," he mumbled as he fell asleep.


End file.
